In Ecclesiastes 3:1-9 we are reminded that there is a time for everything.
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
This is; for me, a season of change. On New Year’s Eve, my husband informed me he was leaving me (and our 16 year old son) to “be happier” somewhere else. As an adult, I can accept the fact that sometimes, people grow apart and need to move on to achieve their idea of what happiness is. As a mother, I find it very hard to accept the circumstances of his leaving. My son will forever mark New Year’s Eve with a bitter sorrow left behind from his childhood. As a wife, I am devastated.
I’ve had a bit of time to reflect on the 30 years I spent with a man I thought was my other half. I’ve had time to weep, mourn, search, give up and hate. I’ve also had time to laugh, dance, embrace and love. Now I’m finding time for peace.
I’ve learned a lot about myself in the past two months. I’ve learned I’m much stronger than I thought I was. I’m much more resilient than I thought I was. I’m actually much happier than I thought I was. I know that sounds strange, under the circumstances, but I think I was going through the motions of being happily married as opposed to actually being happily married. I’m proof that humans have the capability to fool themselves.
During the past two months, I’ve experienced kindnesses from others that are nearly unfathomable. Family, friends and neighbours have surrounded me in love and support. From having a neighbour plow snow from my driveway to receiving the best hugs from a dear friend, I’ve appreciated every act of kindness they have given. Each person has reinforced the fact that I am loved and I am worthy. This is a fact we all need to remember.
I’ve been able to lean (heavily at times) on so many people, that what I’m going through feels completely manageable. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends and laugh like a young girl. I’ve been experiencing new adventures almost every day. I’ve been drawing closer to my son and building a bond that I didn’t think could get stronger. At 16 years old, I realize I don’t have a whole lot of time left to spend each and every day with him before he goes out into the world. I am appreciating the young man he is growing into. I watch him navigate this difficult time in his life with strength and integrity and I know, someday, he’ll be okay. He’ll learn to trust again. We both will.
I look to my future now, not with acceptance of what was expected of me, but with anticipation of what life could be! It’s thrilling to have a vast horizon before me with endless possibilities. I feel reborn, refreshed and ready to live the second half of my life with gratitude, generosity and grace. I’m ready for anything… I’m ready for everything.
Till next time…